Just some thoughts I need to write down and share today, Sunday, March 12, 2017.
My Meditation Practice
I recently went back into meditation practice for the past two days. I learned Transcendental Meditation (TM) some years back when I stumbled upon it on the internet in one of Oprah’s episodes. I signed up even though learning it is a bit pricey. I really wanted to enroll because at that time I needed some peace of mind.
After some time, I quit the practice because it’s frustrating me and it never became a habit anyway. There was more confusion and frustration than peace of mind. It felt like it never really helped at all. I tried other meditation practices and still found it difficult to do. I did not achieve a sense of calm so I ditched it altogether.
However, I decided to give it a try one more time yesterday. I felt overwhelmed and down with suicidal thoughts so I figured I needed to calm down. I tried the TM practice again and somehow felt better. I cannot claim to feel totally at peace but it helped that I shifted my focus from my problems and frustrations to other things.
Today, I decided to do it again. I was in the middle of my practice when the door bell rang. I had to get up and checked who it was. A buyer of our house is interested to look the interiors. When they left, I went back into meditation but this time, I could not go back to my center. Thoughts kept floating on my mind but I figured this is just one of those days. I learned from my past practices and from reading about meditation, that it’s not always the same experience every time. One time may feel at peace, other times it feels difficult to do. I am trying to remind and teach myself not to feel frustrated; to be patient because meditation practice is a journey as well. It’s not smooth-sailing all the time.
I have been thinking about buying a domain name and hosting for this blog. I have struggled about determining the identity, direction and also, I am torn about continuing to use my real identity or getting a pseudonym in future posts.
Again, life is a journey – from confusion, disarray to clarity and form. After some introspection, I decided that I will get a domain patterned after the pseudonym that I will use. I don’t want to use my real identity anymore because this might have some negative effect in the future if I write about something unpleasant.
This will still be my online journal though. I will write about happy and sad, accomplishments and challenges, realizations and lessons. When something is too personal and sensitive, I will make it password protected. But for other things, I am going to write and share.